Life and Death

My cousin passed away last night. She was having a kidney disease. She had been suffering for couple of years. Her family had been trying so hard to keep her alive. Last night, she gave up. Honestly, I'm glad that she has given her life up. At least she does not need to deal with pains anymore. I'm sad though, I wish I could get to know her better. She was only two years older than me, but we're living in totally different life. She has two kids, I'm still studying. She has faced a lot of things and I'm lucky enough to be me! Indeed, I'm just so blessed compare to her.

Her death has leaded me to think about life and death. I was thinking about her. Does she regret her life? What is she doing right now? Is she really going to be around for 40 days? Or she just simply disappears? Is there anything she wants to do before her death? What were the things going in her mind when she knows her time is coming soon? She has entered the critical condition since 2 pm, but she gave up at night, what was she waiting for? Is she ready for this?

Then, I started to think about myself. Firstly, what have I done so far with my life? The answer is none. I do have a lot fun with my life, but there is nothing more. Just fun. I haven't achieved any of my goals. I just go with the flow, trying not to think about anything beyond my things, having fun, do my assignments, pray a bit and that's all. I want to have more quality time and experiences in my life. I want to understand the meaning of life. But, on the other side, I want to avoid all the responsibilities I should face in the future, I just want to stand here and enjoying my time. Now, I want some changes; I want to have more meaningful life.

Secondly, death. What is life after death? People are keep debating about death; reincarnation, heaven or hell, totally disappear or whatsoever. No one really knows about the life after death is. It's funny for me, because while people become expert in life after death fields (something they aren't really sure and have no experience at all), they are forgetting about life itself. What is life? How to have a meaningful life?

I'm scared of death. I don't know what will happen next. Therefore, I just want to think about life. Based on my life these days, I'm sure that I will get to hell, if heaven or hell really exists. I have committed a lot of sins, something that I have regretted but repeating it in the next day. So yah, I don't want to think about it. Life is much more important for me. Just forget about death or something you're not really sure. Do what are you suppose to do. Make a meaningful life, don't deal with any regrets.

Farewell my dear cousin, peace be with you.