Counting the hours

There is a few more hours left until I’m turning 22. Am I happy? For now, I will say no.

I woke up today and everything still going all right, even I couldn’t study few more chapters before my test. It gets worse after the test. I’m not type of student who are hardworking, smart and etc. but I did expect a good mark, especially for this assignment. I thought that I will get a good mark, but I only got 10/20, huhu. I was sooo shocked when my lecture told me. I never expected my mark to be really really good, but I don’t want to be pass2an as well. I thought I will get at least 14/20 because I kinda put an effort while doing that assignment if I compared to my other assignments or test, which I just “pasrah”.

I was so sad, because in 6 more hours I will turning 22, but what happened so far it gets me down. I still haven’t changed to somebody I want to be if I’m 22 years old.

The story goes, then I messaged my boyfriend, he was doing his assignment. I really feel that I need a friend, because tomorrow is my birthday but all I have now is a bad grade. He said that I couldn’t go to his place today, because he’s having a group meeting in the afternoon. Aarrgghh.

I went to sleep, then I woke up; I had a bad dream. It wasn’t clear what all was about, but in my dream I need to run because everybody tries to chase me. I woke up and my heart was beating so fast. I called my boyfriend, he did not pick up. Then I called one of my best friends. We chatted for a while. We kinda feel sad, because we are in the same age, but we haven’t done anything yet. I haven’t finished my degree yet. I’m not a skipper, but I did waste my times two years a go when I decided to go to American degree after completing my foundation year which mean I will finish my degree after five years in Malaysia.

I feel kinda bad for my parents, because I have wasting my time with this whole degree thingy. I have promised my father that I will pull up my grade this semester because I wasn’t performed well last semester. My GPA is declining, huhu. That’s why I don’t want to be pass2annn. Huuuuuhhh, I’m really saaaddd right now.

TO DO LIST (22 years old):

• pull up my grade (oh God please help me)
• graduate in 1 ½ years
• be a good daughter
• be a good girlfriend J
• be a good auntiee
• find a part time job or internship (I need to enter the work environment, SOON)
• save more money
• be more responsible and mature
• be closer to God (I haven’t go to the church in 4 months, I didn’t go for Easter toooo, aarrgghh)

Well that’s all. I hope I will have a great year in my new age.

Ciao.

My friend, Gora, is leaving soon. He’s going to continue his study in US. Actually, he was my boyfriend’s housemate. We’re kinda close though; there was a lot of chit chatting, curhat2 with him.

I acted kinda annoying lately. I became too sensitive, and he was one of my victims. My boyfriend said that he’s leaving soon and I should not act like that. It was late when I realize the clock has already clicking faster and faster…

So yah, I met him today. We were chit chatting a bit, and then I feel really sad right now. We have known each other for more than a year. When my boyfriend not around, he always accompanies me, he was the first person I called whenever I need a friend to talk. Now I don't have friend to curhat2an, talks about bags, party (hehe), cela2an, seeing someone act really silly, huhh there's so many things I'm gonna miss about si Gora.

There was one thing I regretted again today. I did not spend a quality time with him; even I know he’s leaving soon.

Take care gorsss. I'm really really really gonna miss you. I hope to see you again in the future. Good luck mate.

PS: A-14-05 is always in my heart.

God Only Knows

These days, sadness and happiness are come together in my life. I feel so stressed with things that happening in my life. The last few days, I was like a bomb. You could not touch me, even just a bit, I will explode. I became extremely sensitive, and I shown it to people around me.

My best friends have known that I’m a mood swinger. I’m not proud of it, in fact I really hate when my mood swings. Sometimes I can’t tell all my feelings, I tend to hide what I feel but it is exploding in the other way.

Well, from all of those sadness I feel happiness as well. It's true from all of bad things we can find something precious. I found someone that I can count on while facing these. He came with patient and greater understanding, which helps me a lot.

I regretted all those things I had done the last few days. I regretted that I was so selfish, because I wasn’t thinking about the other except myself. Thanks for remind me that I wasn’t alone. God only knows what I'd be without you. I’m the luckiest girl alive. Thanks :)

Watching The People Change

People come and go, yes it is true. Everybody's changing, yes they are. Honestly, I hate changing. I love my routine, which means my routine activities and my "routine" friends. I'm scared of changing. I'm scared of everything new in my life. On the other side, I want some changes and I need some changes. Life is complicated just like it should be, isn't it?

My friends have changed. They changed into someone I hardly known. In some way, I know I have changed either. It was kind of sad, when I went back to my hometown last holiday I found they are not the same anymore. There's no more "we are best friends forever". We didn't even share the same favorite food anymore. They have changed, and I have changed. I want them to be the same as when I left them. We had shared the same life, we hated the same people in high school, we shared stories almost every hour. Now, we don't even know one each other feelings, forget about sadness, we don't even share happiness.

I'm scared that people I love today would change someday. I don't really mind if they are change for good, but I hate it when they change into someone I hardly known. Well, "everybody's changing and I don't feel the same". :)